Words…they are just words. There was a song on the radio on my way to work today, actually it is on the radio quite often these days but today it resonated with the thoughts of my mind. “Words can build you up, words can tear you down…start a fire in your heard or put it out…”
Recently I had the less than wonderful opportunity to watch this put into practice. Someone took some initiative…something all business leaders hope their employees will do…and was rewarded by being told they were being insubordinate. How can this happen? It happens every day when we as business leaders don’t think about how our words affect people. Words can build you up or tear you down. Just because we get something from our employee that does not mirror our expectations does not mean that it is wrong. Sometimes people on our team actually know more than we do. When they see that what we asked for was an insufficient basis from which to make a decision and they provide us with more than we asked for so that we can realistically evaluate the situation but it doesn’t look like what we expected it is not wrong…it should be commended. I am reminded of the words of Solomon in Proverbs 17:26-28 “…the one with knowledge uses words with restraint…”
Most of us who are parents know that words that build up are important to development. They are the words the encourage us to grow, to learn, to take on new challenges and to master them. Words that tear down have, clearly, the opposite effect. They discourage us from ever trying again…except in rare cases where the recipient has a strong enough will and high enough self concept to believe in what they did beyond what others say. Not a common experience among children, especially when the person tearing down is a parent.
So why do we think this is good in a workplace? I can’t imagine why. Maybe I am just getting to the point where I no longer am afraid that someone is going to come along and take my job or out do me and make me look somehow less than them. Maybe I am just getting to the point where I am thinking more about leaving the world in a better way than I found it or maybe I am just getting too old to care but for what ever reason I find that I just do not really have to be first. It is somehow easier to be “wrong” than it was at some points in my life. So, for now, I spend more time trying to build up…to encourage…to listen…and to seek to understand.
If we want to encourage people…to start a fire in their hearts…then we need to choose words wisely. We need to listen to what is in their hearts and provide not just the kindling but also the spark to build the fire. We need to use words that encourage, words that build up someone not tear them down. In business we often evaluate a person’s commitment by the initiative that a person takes…but if we are the ones that are beating that out of them then we can’t realistically use it as an indicator of commitment. In Ecclesiastes 10:12 we are reminded that the words of the wise are gracious.
I once said that I often prefer the 1000 words to the picture…true enough. This is actually the reason I refuse to see the movie the Hobbit even though it is one of my very favorite books. I read and re-read that book and have wonderful, vivid pictures in my mind of each of the characters and places…I don’t want to see someone else’s interpretation of those words. The words that Tolkien chose were powerful words…image word…words meant to convey an understanding, a picture. He chose them carefully.
Words can do amazing things for us and to us. Tolkien, Lewis, Dostoyevsky, Falkner, Hemingway…all favorite authors of mine. But all of them have one thing in common…they use words in magnificent ways to paint images, to convey emotions, to draw us into the stories. If words can be that powerful…how is it that we use them so foolishly.
For me…I think I will double down on the idea that words should be used to build up and not to tear down. I want my words to build a fire and not put it out. I want to use my words in such a way that they encourage others and not darken their spirits. Maybe the world will be a little better if we all tried to do that. What do you think.